Introduction #
Every January, the same pattern would repeat.
I would think carefully about resolutions, plans supposed to move me closer to an ideal version of myself, and then I would fail. After a while, it got to the point where I almost stopped making resolutions altogether, because I already knew how the story would end.
That is why last year felt different. What I tried actually stuck. And more importantly, I understood why it worked. That is what I want to share with you.
But before that, you know exactly what I am talking about.
Early January. You sign up for a gym membership. You fill your grocery cart with vegetables. I have been there. You tell yourself that this year will be different. You will lose weight, sleep better, spend more quality time with your family, scroll less on social networks, and finally become the version of yourself you have in mind.
And then, quietly, it fades.
There is even a name for it: Quitter’s Day, usually the second Friday of January. The day when people are statistically most likely to abandon their New Year’s resolutions.
This failure is often framed as a lack of motivation or discipline. We tell ourselves we did not want it badly enough, that we simply lacked willpower. And more often than not, we end up feeling ashamed.
I no longer think that is true.
The problem with New Year’s resolutions is not motivation. It is that sustained behavior change goes against how our brains actually work. The good news is that once you understand the science behind it, you can design goals, and systems, that are far more likely to stick.
The science behind it #
Most New Year’s resolutions don’t last long. The reasons go deeper than a simple lack of willpower. Psychological research reveals that lasting change depends on factors like how we form habits and how we overcome built-in biases, not just how motivated we feel on January 1st. Below, we’ll explore several scientific insights into why resolutions often fail and how real behavior change works.
More than willpower #
It’s easy to blame failed resolutions on a lack of willpower or motivation, but studies suggest willpower is only a small piece of the puzzle. In fact, nearly half of our daily actions are habitual, cued by the environment rather than conscious decisions (Citation: Wood, Quinn & al., 2002 Wood, W., Quinn, J. & Kashy, D. (2002). Habits in everyday life: Thought, emotion, and action. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(6). 1281–1297. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.83.6.1281 ). We tend to repeat the same behaviors in the same contexts on autopilot, even when we intend to change. Relying on sheer self-control to fight these ingrained routines is notoriously difficult. In short, willpower gets easily overpowered by context and habit.
We like to think of willpower as a stable trait. In reality, it behaves more like a limited, fluctuating resource, like a phone battery. This idea is known as ego depletion (Citation: Baumeister, Bratslavsky & al., 1998 Baumeister, R., Bratslavsky, E., Muraven, M. & Tice, D. (1998). Ego depletion: Is the active self a limited resource?. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(5). 1252–1265. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.74.5.1252 ). In a classic experiment, participants were asked to sit in a room with freshly baked cookies and radishes. One group could eat the cookies, another was told to resist them and eat only radishes. Later, both groups were given an unsolvable puzzle. The group that had to resist the cookies gave up significantly faster. The takeaway is simple: exerting self-control in one task reduces the ability to exert it later.
Even though the strength of ego depletion has been debated in recent years (Citation: Inzlicht & Schmeichel, 2012 Inzlicht, M. & Schmeichel, B. (2012). What Is Ego Depletion? Toward a Mechanistic Revision of the Resource Model of Self-Control. Perspectives on Psychological Science: A Journal of the Association for Psychological Science, 7(5). 450–463. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691612454134 ), the broader conclusion remains robust: relying on constant self-control is fragile, especially in real life, where stress, fatigue, and distractions accumulate.
This is why systems that reduce decision-making and effort consistently outperform those that rely on discipline alone.
Mental biases that undermine change #
Beyond motivation, our minds can unintentionally sabotage our best intentions. Psychology has identified a few key biases that make it hard to stick with long-term resolutions:
- Present Bias (Temporal Discounting): Humans naturally tend to prioritize immediate rewards over future benefits. Behavioral studies show that when given a choice, people often pick a smaller pleasure now over a larger payoff later (Citation: Frederick, Loewenstein & al., 2002 Frederick, S., Loewenstein, G. & O'Donoghue, T. (2002). Time Discounting and Time Preference: A Critical Review. Journal of Economic Literature, 40(2). 351–401. https://doi.org/10.1257/002205102320161311 ). This bias explains why skipping a workout or eating comfort food feels compelling in the moment, even when we genuinely care about our long-term health.
- Optimism Bias (False Hope Syndrome): We also tend to overestimate how quickly and easily we can change, setting overly optimistic goals (Citation: Polivy & Herman, 2002 Polivy, J. & Herman, C. (2002). If at first you don’t succeed: False hopes of self-change. American Psychologist, 57(9). 677–689. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.57.9.677 ). When effort feels higher than anticipated, motivation drops, not because the goal is wrong, but because expectations were miscalibrated.
How habits stick #
Ultimately, lasting behavior change comes from building habits: turning a new action into an automatic part of your routine. A habit forms when you repeat a behavior in a consistent context so often that your brain forges a link between the situation and the action. The goal is for the healthy choice to become almost reflexive, so you no longer need heroic willpower each day to make it happen.
How long does it take to form a real habit? Probably longer than you think. The old myth that “it takes 21 days to build a habit” has been thoroughly debunked. A study by Lally and colleagues found that people needed an average of 66 days for new behavior to feel automatic (Citation: Lally, Jaarsveld & al., 2010 Lally, P., Jaarsveld, C., Potts, H. & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6). 998–1009. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674 ). In other words, forming solid habits usually takes at least two to three months of consistent practice. True behavior change is a long game, and our brains need time to adapt.
The key takeaway #
Behavior change fails when it depends on willpower, motivation, or perfect days. It succeeds when it is designed to work despite cognitive biases, fatigue, and imperfect conditions.
That is why the principles that follow focus less on pushing harder, and more on reducing friction, shaping environments, and building habits that can survive real life.
Principles that worked for me #
Over time, mostly through reading and experimentation, I stopped trying to “push harder” and started focusing on building systems that reduce friction. These are the principles that made the biggest difference for me.
Accountability #
Sometimes, writing down a goal just for yourself is not enough. Relying solely on internal discipline is fragile, and accountability creates external consequences, even if they are mild.
This can take many forms: telling a loved one about your goal, joining a group, committing publicly, or working with a coach. The key is that someone else knows what you intend to do, and you know they know. Quitting becomes harder, because someone else is expecting you to show up.
For me, this meant seeing a dietitian on a regular basis. Simply talking about my diet, within a healthy and supportive relationship, helped me dramatically increase my consistency. I did not owe him anything (except money of course). He was there to help, and that regular check-in made a real difference.
Start small and stay reasonable #
Most people fail not because the goal itself is difficult, but because starting is difficult.
Instead of aiming for dramatic change, it helps to define a minimum viable version of the habit. A workout can be ten minutes. Journaling can be three sentences. Reading can be one page. Once you start, momentum often carries you further, but the key is lowering the barrier to begin.
This only works if the goal also fits your actual life. Time, energy, and attention are limited resources, especially if you have a demanding job and family responsibilities. Trying to optimize everything at once usually leads to frustration rather than progress.
In my case, I wanted to walk more. Rather than immediately targeting 10,000 steps a day, I started with 6,000, broken down into short ten- to fifteen-minute walks throughout the day. That level of effort was realistic, easy to repeat, and compatible with my schedule. From there, increasing the target became natural.
Starting small creates momentum. Being reasonable makes that momentum sustainable. Real progress comes from goals that align with reality, not from ambition alone.
Track your goals #
What stays vague rarely gets done. If a goal only exists in your head, daily life will quickly push it aside.
Journaling, habit tracking, or even a simple checklist turns goals into observable behaviors. Awareness alone often changes behavior, and tracking reinforces that awareness over time.
I do not track everything, but I do track what I am actively trying to change. For example, I allow myself up to two cheat meals per week. Without tracking how I eat, I know from experience that I am very bad at remembering whether I already indulged that week.
Habit stacking #
Starting a habit from scratch is difficult. Attaching it to an existing routine is much easier. For example, you do not think about brushing your teeth or making coffee, you just do it. These moments already run on autopilot.
This is where habit stacking comes in: after I do X, I will do Y.
For example, stretching after brushing my teeth, or writing a short journal entry while making coffee.
Avoid bad habits #
Avoiding temptation is easier than resisting it.
If a bad habit requires effort to access, it loses much of its power. This can mean removing social network apps, not buying certain foods, or changing your physical setup so the “wrong” choice is less convenient.
Self-control is a finite resource.
For example, I know that I am more inclined to eat poorly after a long day at work. First, I made sure not to buy tempting food. But I also keep easy, healthy meals ready to prepare, so I can unplug my brain without feeling guilty afterward.
Never miss twice #
Perfection is not required.
Missing one workout, one day of journaling, or one healthy meal is normal. What matters is avoiding the second miss, which can easily turn into three, then four, and so on. The rule is simple: you can fail once, but not twice in a row.
This mindset removes guilt while preserving consistency.
Set reminders #
Sometimes, it is not that you do not want to act on a goal. Life is simply busy, and good intentions get lost in the noise.
Setting reminders or alarms at critical moments can help. It can also mean blocking regular time slots. A notification to go for a walk, start winding down in the evening, or prepare for the next day removes the need to remember (and lower the cognitive load). It turns an intention into a prompt.
Used sparingly and intentionally, reminders act as a bridge between planning and action.
Review and adjust #
Setting goals is not a one-time exercise you revisit next January.
You need to regularly review what worked, what did not, and what needs to be adjusted. Some goals may require smaller steps. Others may no longer make sense given your current priorities.
Reviewing is not a sign of failure. It is part of the process. Goals should evolve as your life does.
My resolutions this year #
The goal here is not to bore you with a list of resolutions. What matters is the system behind them, illustrated with concrete examples.
I have been overweight for most of my life, so losing weight is an obvious goal for me. But last year, I realized something important: the number on the scale is not what truly matters. What matters more is how confident I feel about the way I look, and how healthy I am in the long run.
There is also a very practical dimension to this goal: being able to keep up with my kids, growing older in good health, and reducing the risk of avoidable health issues.
That is a big goal, and on its own, it is far too vague. So I broke it down into smaller, more actionable systems, tracked via a habit tracker.
Average weekly steps #
Instead of a strict daily target, I focus on average weekly steps.
During winter, I aim for around 8,000 steps per day on average, and about 10,000 during the rest of the year. A weekly target gives me flexibility. Some days are busy, and forcing a daily quota only adds unnecessary pressure.
This system also leaves room for adjustment. Over time, I may introduce other approaches like interval walking training or rucking, so I can get similar benefits in less time.
Two to three workouts per week #
The only realistic time for me to work out, without being completely exhausted, is early in the morning.
My goal is to train two to three times per week, alternating between cardio and strength training. This supports both health and the “how I look” aspect of my objective.
To reduce friction and avoid guesswork, I will likely work with a coach to structure my training and track progress. This removes decision fatigue and increases accountability.
Two cheat meals per week #
Because I want this to be a long-term habit, I deliberately allow myself two cheat meals per week.
This reduces frustration and makes the system sustainable, even if it means slower progress. Avoiding burnout matters more to me than optimizing for speed. Consistency over months and years beats short bursts of perfection.
As I mentioned earlier, having regular check-ins with my dietitian helps me stay consistent with my diet, and keeping simple, ready-to-cook meals on hand prevents unplanned and often unsatisfying cheat meals.
Conclusion #
New Year’s resolutions fail when they rely on motivation, self-control or sheer determination. They succeed when they are aligned with how humans actually behave.
Behavior change is less about becoming a more disciplined person and more about designing better systems: smaller goals, supportive environments, and gentle accountability.
If you take one thing from this, let it be this: pick one resolution and reduce it until it feels almost too easy. Start there. Consistency compounds far more reliably than motivation ever will.
The goal is not to transform your life in January. It is to still be showing up in March.
Related Reading #
- Atomic Habits by James Clear. A practical synthesis of behavioral science applied to habit building. Not an academic book, it translates research very effectively.
- Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg. Written by a Stanford behavior scientist, this book focuses on starting small and reducing friction.
- The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Real-world examples, useful for understanding why habits persist and how they can be reshaped.
Bibliography #
- Baumeister, Bratslavsky, Muraven & Tice (1998)
- Baumeister, R., Bratslavsky, E., Muraven, M. & Tice, D. (1998). Ego depletion: Is the active self a limited resource?. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(5). 1252–1265. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.74.5.1252
- Inzlicht & Schmeichel (2012)
- Inzlicht, M. & Schmeichel, B. (2012). What Is Ego Depletion? Toward a Mechanistic Revision of the Resource Model of Self-Control. Perspectives on Psychological Science: A Journal of the Association for Psychological Science, 7(5). 450–463. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691612454134
- Wood, Quinn & Kashy (2002)
- Wood, W., Quinn, J. & Kashy, D. (2002). Habits in everyday life: Thought, emotion, and action. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(6). 1281–1297. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.83.6.1281
- Frederick, Loewenstein & O'Donoghue (2002)
- Frederick, S., Loewenstein, G. & O'Donoghue, T. (2002). Time Discounting and Time Preference: A Critical Review. Journal of Economic Literature, 40(2). 351–401. https://doi.org/10.1257/002205102320161311
- Polivy & Herman (2002)
- Polivy, J. & Herman, C. (2002). If at first you don’t succeed: False hopes of self-change. American Psychologist, 57(9). 677–689. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.57.9.677
- Lally, Jaarsveld, Potts & Wardle (2010)
- Lally, P., Jaarsveld, C., Potts, H. & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6). 998–1009. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674
- Neal (2007)
- Neal, D. (2007). A New Look at Habits and the Habit–Goal Interface. Psychological Review, 114. 843–863. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.114.4.843
